Letter to the Driver on the Phone

To The Driver On The Phone,

Hi, how are you?  I hope everything is ok because it seems you are in quite a spot because you are going 50 in a 25 while talking on the phone.  Oh, and not just talking on the phone, but holding it next to your face while it is on speaker.  This is much safer and much more convenient than actually holding the phone to you head, no doubt.  But did you know that there is no statistical difference, as it pertains to safety, between holding your phone while on speaker, and holding the phone to your ear, as it was designed?  So is it really more convenient or do you just feel like more of a movie star because your phone has speaker mode?

If you feel the need to endanger this quiet country town by doubling the speed limit, the least you can do is hold the phone correctly.  I do not condone this behavior, even if holding the phone as designed, but I think you wouldn't look like such a fool.  Oh and maybe, if you weren't on the phone and speeding, you would have seen those kids on bikes trying to cross the street in the crosswalk.  Maybe you could have seen the school bus that tried to pull out and then slammed on the brakes so you could go by. 

Now, while this activity is technically legal, you are an idiot.  We all talk on the phone while driving.  Some more than others, of course, but you still seem an idiot in this particular case.  A school bus, some kids on bikes, and every car on the road wasn't enough to get you to pay attention and drive responsibly.  That is just my observation, but I really wonder what would catch your focus.  Is it the dead kid on the hood of your car, or the loss of the use of your legs after you smash into the side of a tractor trailer?  Don't mind me, I just wonder things sometimes.  Either way, beings as you drive a minivan (notice a trend?), and are obviously very important, you will certainly ignore me.  Just like last week, minivan driver, captain of the world, best person alive, just ignore the rant, and keep on flying.

Sincerely,

Mr. Wiggles