The Glory of Minivans

Hey there lady come on!!!  The speed limit is 45, not 25!!!  I have said this before and will surely say it again.  Who, do you ask, am I shouting at?  The driver of my current headache...the driver of the minivan.  The ever so evil, so convenient vehicle which always seems to be in the way.  Now, I don't mean when I am in a hurry, or running behind, as those times are my fault, because I should have left earlier than I did.  I am talking about on my way home from work with no one on the road.  Well, no one except the minivan.  I can't pass them, as there is a double line nearly the entire trip.  They don't turn, because I am unlucky as it pertains to minivans.  And when they apply the brakes, it seems as if there is a deer in front of the them every time.  It seems there are only two options for minivan drivers, either not currently applying the brakes at all or complete panic braking. 

I won't park next to one, oh no.  You simply can't trust them.  It seems, and feels like, whenever you park next to a minivan, you wind up with some sort of body damage.  It is just easier to park elsewhere and walk an additional 20 feet instead of getting a gorgeous dent in your door.  You would think with sliding doors, this wouldn't be a real concern.  I am saddened to say this but it is a real concern.  Lack of money for rent, food, a crappy job, or a crappy car are all concerns.  So is parking next to the ever present minivan.  I say avoid, avoid, avoid.  I don't know what it is about them that is so despicable to me, but I can't help but think that the minivans in the world are out to get me.  I can only hope this isn't true, as I think I would be outnumbered in a fight.  I could really live without a few million dents in my car doors. 

Oh and with all of the available seating options and incredible leg room, you would think that the owner of your local van could take some of their friends to a gym.  If you don't know what I am saying, make a casual observation next time you pass one on the road.  Chances are, you should be using that free gym membership you got in the mail.  This true 90% of the time.  I'm telling you, just look.

If anyone sees a minivan, please just tell it I was only kidding.  I didn't mean to offend, I was just ranting.

Driving Pt. 1

This post is listed as Driving Pt. 1 because I swear there will more of this topic to follow.  There is so much to rant about driving on our roadways, I figure this is a good spot to start as any.  As usual comments welcome, enjoy!
I cannot deal with the average driver on the road today as it seems that so many people are nearly asleep as they careen down our public streets.  I sometimes think that a person can purchase a driver’s license at Wal-Mart or a local convenience store judging by the way that they drive.  I do not come to this opinion by my outstanding abilities, but by their complete lack of courtesy and respect while driving.  I simply cannot comprehend why someone would cut you off and then go ten miles an hour under the speed limit.  I also cannot understand why this same person then slams on their brakes in the middle of a two lane road to turn left, thereby stopping traffic.  It isn’t the legality of this act that gets me going, it is the complete lack of decency and regard for the safety of every other driver on the road.
Listen up other driver guy or girl.  I fully understand how important you are, I really do.  I also understand how much of a rush you must be in.  After all, you decided that endangering the lives of everyone around you was much more important than waiting an extra 30 seconds to pull onto the road.  I am also aware that many cars made after 2005, do not come equipped standard with turn signals.  I really thought that they did, but you have shown me that they do not have this option.  It has also come to my attention that turn signals are an option only afforded by the extremely rich.  With this being said, I suppose you are correct in your lack of proper signaling.
You are the world’s most important person, I get it.  At least you are the most important person to you in your world.  However, it turns out there are a few other people driving near you at any given time.  One of them happens to be me, and I often have at least one of my kids in the car with me.  I think it would pay to use your eyes when you drive.  It may sound crazy to you, but I hear this is also an important when driving.  Try looking before you pull onto a busy road.  Also, try to adhere to the speed limit signs that the state has so graciously put all over the roadways for your use.  Or, just drive slowly on by, as if no one else in the world is around you, and continue to ignore the issues you are causing.  While you are at it, just ignore this rant as well.  I guarantee that you won’t listen to it anyway because you are just that awesome.

Daughters and Boyfriends

Greetings all, sorry about the delay, life has been extra busy this week.  This week’s rant is aimed to be a little more lighthearted than the others so far.  With that being said, if you don’t have kids, or don’t care about funny parenting issues, tune in next week.  I am trying to take a break from being mad this week.  Enjoy!

What does every father fear most, as it relates to his daughter?  I believe that every father fears another male influence that will be more important to his little girl than he is.  I think about that, and yes, it does scare me.  This issue has already begun around our house and I am not thrilled it is here so soon.  I swore that it would take longer to emerge, but alas, I was wrong.  My 5 year old got off the bus one afternoon, screaming about her new boyfriend.  Ugh, I start thinking.  Here we go with this thing, and up next, she’s married.  In some ways it is exciting because she is growing up and becoming a real person.  She is moving away from the “child” portion of life, and moving forward into the issues and crap that we all deal with called “real life.”  While this is fun to see, it is also completely terrifying.

Over the week following her first “boyfriend,” she has already been broken up with once and started looking for another.  My wife tells her not to worry about looking for boyfriends right now, and while this is good advice, I find it completely impossible for her to do.  The thing is that now she has had a boyfriend, and boyfriends are natural for little girls.  She no idea of what a boyfriend actually means, but is still interested in the idea of relationships.  I can only hope that her only real blue print for relationships, her mom and I, are showing her a good way to be.  Not the only way to be, but still a good way.  It really feels like some sort of torture to consider her growing up so fast and it really bums me out that I have no ability to do a thing about it.

My experiences as a dad went from diapers, to walking, to boyfriends, to married in approximately 8 minutes.  It feels like I literally blinked and she is all grown up.  To be fair, she is only 5, but it still feels like too much and too fast.  I cannot stop it and I cannot control it.  All I can do is enjoy this little moment in time, and take what I can get.  Next thing I know, probably tomorrow afternoon, she will be all grown up and gone.  Either way, if you care for this story, awesome, and if you don’t, just ignore it.  This is just another installment of, not only a lunatic, but a lunatic dad ranting away.

Stick To Your Guns

"These freaking liberals are always making speeches about what is right, and they know nothing," says Jim.

"I'm a liberal, dude."  Dave responds.

"No, no, I mean those guys on TV.  I wouldn't say that about you.  You aren't even really a liberal."

Here is an example of the average person having nearly no ability to stick to their belief system when it is challenged.  It seems that the instantaneous reaction is to back pedal as fast as possible and attempt to change the subject.  I can't wait to hear the first person I don't know, run their mouths about gay soldiers, and say they shouldn't be allowed to serve.  I will instantly assume the role of a gay service member and ask them what their issue is.  If you would like to bet on it, I will wage nearly any amount that they will say, "Well they aren't all bad." 

I don't understand this inability to stick to your guns about something that you believe in.  I have a friend who says that if someone is racist, he would prefer just to know that up front.  He doesn't want to think that anyone isn't racist just to find out they are talking about him when he isn't around, saying things like "Well he's ok, but he's black."  I suppose my buddy prefers when he meets people, if racist, they simply say, "Hi, my name is Brad, I don't like minorities.  Pleasure to meet you."  This scenario may be a little exaggerated, but it would certainly let people know where you stand on things.  If you are a terribly insensitive, and overall prejudiced loon, someone could make an immediate decision to avoid you.  To tell you the truth, that doesn't really sound half bad.  "Hi, I'm Kevin, I don't like Marines."  I can then say "Hi Kevin, I'm a Marine, piss off."  That just sounds easier.  I think I would rather have that exchange, then to have someone running their mouths like a coward behind my back.

The moral of today's story is simple.  If you have a belief, stick to it.  It isn't required that your opinion is politically correct or generally accepted.  That is the beautiful part of our country; I don’t have to agree with you.  I don't even have to like you.  You are entitled believe whatever you like no matter what the subject is.  Now, while this is always true, and your mouth really pisses someone off, you may also expect to get knocked out once in a while.  Also, please don't act like a child if someone questions your beliefs.  That is their right to disagree with you, to think you are stupid, and to stick to their beliefs about you.  Have a good day, and please, as usual, just ignore the rant. 

Political Hate Speech

This week, we are going to talk about hate.  Not the broad subject of hate, which we will cover some other day, but the more specific, seemingly angrier, version that we hear on the TV, radio, and papers dealing with political parties. 

This first post of April 2012 will headline the Republican/Conservative bias towards the evil liberal front attempting to take over the country and turn it into a socialist, fascist, communist, etc, etc, etc regime.  No more free country right?  If the wicked liberals win, the US will crumble into the ocean, as if that is even possible.

And now onward to the topic at hand...

This radio broadcast I heard was on a local Philadelphia AM station, and the host was literally shouting about "Obamacare and how unconstitutional it is" and the "super intellectual left, who apparently know it all, are ruining the United States."  As I listen I can't help but wonder if this person spends his every waking moment with this much animosity running through his veins.  I also take a moment to wonder if he will be having a heart attack while I am listening the way he is carrying on.  I regularly hear about how screwed up the liberal way of thinking is and how "they" think they know everything that is right for the country.  I would almost have to say that there isn't anyone who actually knows what is "right" for us.  As a matter of fact, what is right?  Can anyone even answer that so simply?  I wonder if the question is even possible to give an elementary answer for.  Sounds like you are the "know it all" that can fix all of our liberal issues.

I have heard a broad, colorful range of descriptors for our president.  Yes, I said it, our president.  You don't have to like it, but you have to respect that he is our president.  I have heard people say, "Well of course he screws up everything he is black."  I have heard, "What do you expect a liberal piece of trash to do?  After all, liberals are all lazy, worthless ingrates, not deserving to vote."  Yes, these are actual quotes from people who are technically allowed to vote, although it appears they probably shouldn’t be.  This level of dissatisfaction with something many of us barely understand is amazing, and this level of hate is something we could really do without.  Can you look around you and tell me that everything that YOU see is perfect?  If not perfect now, was it ever?  Please people, come up with some intelligent points, some class, when you attempt to castrate a man or party that over 50% of your fellow citizens thought was a good choice.  Also, not every liberal is garbage and deserves to be your punching bag, just like not every conservative is a racist, hate mongering, piece of white trash.  See?  Stereotypes are unfair and should really be avoided.

This could in fact go on forever.  And mayhap someday I will go on.  But for today, thank you for your time.  If anyone is offended, get over it, I’m just ranting anyway.