The Glory of Minivans

Hey there lady come on!!!  The speed limit is 45, not 25!!!  I have said this before and will surely say it again.  Who, do you ask, am I shouting at?  The driver of my current headache...the driver of the minivan.  The ever so evil, so convenient vehicle which always seems to be in the way.  Now, I don't mean when I am in a hurry, or running behind, as those times are my fault, because I should have left earlier than I did.  I am talking about on my way home from work with no one on the road.  Well, no one except the minivan.  I can't pass them, as there is a double line nearly the entire trip.  They don't turn, because I am unlucky as it pertains to minivans.  And when they apply the brakes, it seems as if there is a deer in front of the them every time.  It seems there are only two options for minivan drivers, either not currently applying the brakes at all or complete panic braking. 

I won't park next to one, oh no.  You simply can't trust them.  It seems, and feels like, whenever you park next to a minivan, you wind up with some sort of body damage.  It is just easier to park elsewhere and walk an additional 20 feet instead of getting a gorgeous dent in your door.  You would think with sliding doors, this wouldn't be a real concern.  I am saddened to say this but it is a real concern.  Lack of money for rent, food, a crappy job, or a crappy car are all concerns.  So is parking next to the ever present minivan.  I say avoid, avoid, avoid.  I don't know what it is about them that is so despicable to me, but I can't help but think that the minivans in the world are out to get me.  I can only hope this isn't true, as I think I would be outnumbered in a fight.  I could really live without a few million dents in my car doors. 

Oh and with all of the available seating options and incredible leg room, you would think that the owner of your local van could take some of their friends to a gym.  If you don't know what I am saying, make a casual observation next time you pass one on the road.  Chances are, you should be using that free gym membership you got in the mail.  This true 90% of the time.  I'm telling you, just look.

If anyone sees a minivan, please just tell it I was only kidding.  I didn't mean to offend, I was just ranting.